I do not like the sight of hipsters in my neighborhood.  It actually causes my lip to curl in a sneer, involuntarily.  Lately, there’ve been more than a few up here in the Heights and I tell you, it’s just wrong.  This is not the place for that attitude.  Nobody here gives a shit about obscurity.  Au contraire mon fraire.  I’m pretty sure up in here the more popular something is, the more it has street cred my nigga.

Not that I really care.  About anything right now (except my daughter’s success.  THAT is AlwaYS paramount).  I’m supposed to be training this week to get ready for next week’s rehearsals for my dream-come-true choreography premiere at City Center.  I’m really, really excited about it, but I am so exhausted I don’t want to move.  It is entirely possible that my fatigue is due to a killer respiratory infection that I was sporting last week while I worked full time, took dance class every evening and had a 9PM performance every night.  By Friday of last week, my motivation decided to go walk-about.  it makes perfect sense in light of my schedule, but I just can’t with this. (GREAT grammatical bastardization, BTW, whoever came up with that one.  That’s what I call word efficiency).

This damp, chilly, foggy shitty weather is great for staying home and sleeping or surfing netflix and that is the extent of my motivation.  I’m not getting any work, although I’m submitting to everything.  I have no desire to commute to class in this.  And I bought a Steps dance card the day before I discovered that two of my more-well-liked teachers are at BalletArts on alternating days 7 days a week.  AND their class card is $20 cheaper.  Grrrrr.  So I need to motivate my ass out of the house in crappy weather that’s just begging me to nap, to take a class that I am really quite ambiguous about.

I hoped that writing about this would give me a clue or perspective on my lack of motivation, but that ain’t happenin.  As a matter of fact, I’m just getting groggier as I sip my Berry Zinger-laced-with-ginger tea.  More and more the idea of leaving the house to go and try and exert myself physically just seems blatantly WRONG.

When I was younger – as few as three years ago, you couldn’t hold me down from going to class.  Sick or tired or hungover or depressed, I’d be in my ‘tards and tights and a half hour early.

I want to buy yarn  Knitting scarves is appealing to me.  Watching movies and knitting.  That sounds just lovely.  Crafts.  Arts and crafts. and Movies.

I’m going to stay in today.  But just today, because I’m 11 days away from performance, and motivation or no, I’m not getting up on that stage unprepared.  Oh!  Look at that.  I found my motivation.



Aside | This entry was posted in Being Human. Bookmark the permalink.

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